Godless politicians did this!

As some of you might know, Ottawa had an earthquake on Wednesday, which immediately brought to my mind all accusations made against the pagan hordes in Haiti. So, the old thinkolater cranked up its rusty parts and swung into action, and by 'action,' I mean "worthless pondering about the motivations of an imaginary being flapping around in the sky, reclining on clouds and swatting away those pesky angels." As you can tell, 'action' is a much shorter way to type that.

Just in case you have a passion for useless trivia, here is a link to Wikipedia's entry on the Ottawa big one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_Ottawa_earthquake

By the way, does anyone else out there wonder if the Churches have their own wikipedia? They could call it "Wikipedophile," and, anti-technology stance of the church notwithstanding, I really think a wiki would help bring about the Fuckopalypse the priests so dearly seem to desire.

Anyhow, I'll get to the point: why did God put the mojo on Ottawa when the G8 and G20 are being held in Toronto? I mean, apparently Toronto felt some mild shaking, but it was really Ottawa that got the worst of it. Which is to say, some windows were broken, a lawyer's chimney collapsed and a session of the senate was interrupted (kudos, God, for the last two). Most interestingly, a church in Gracefield, QC was damaged- a friend of mine was there, actually, and informed me that the chimney of the church fell down. God apparently really hates chimneys, even on his own houses. You know, could knocking down chimneys be a passive-aggressive attack on that other famous imaginary being, Santa Claus? I think so! That is pure evil, God, pure evil.

So, back to the earthquake: why Ottawa? Are Canadians in league with the devil, along with the Haitians? Or more specifically, Canadian politicians? Actually, I think I just may have answered my own question, but I'll keep speculating, because I've got a big mouth and I doubt this entry is offensive enough, yet. In any case, I really wish we could get some insightful religious commentary on this, or does that only happen when the victims are helpless, poor and completely devastated (and, more cynically, not white enough)? If so, I get that- it is a standard bully strategy to pick on the weak. Not that I am calling the various religious leaders bullies, except that I am.

My interpretation, in view of God's shitty aim with lightning bolts (see previous entries), is that he really did try and knock down Toronto (which would also have had the effect of gaining him the adulation of most of the rest of Canada in the process). I mean, I know that Stephen Harper, and his equally pasty-faced minions, are as satanic as they come, but the G8/G20 must have presented an irresistible target for the Old Man. Too bad he is like the Mr. Magoo in the Pantheon of the Pretend*.

*I'm currently committing the sin of pride over this last sentence.

TEMPLE OUT!