Well, one of our loyal readers (perhaps our only loyal reader) alerted me to a recent lightning strike in Ohio, in which God fired a lightning bolt at a statue of his son, who then promptly burned to the ground.
The Washington Post (seriously?) had a very heathenish analysis of what appears to be a trend with God:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/15/AR2010061505135.html?hpid=topnews
I had no idea this was as common as it appears to be. I admit that I did laugh A LOT at the notion of a Jesus statue, arms upraised, getting blasted by lightning. I mean, come on, it's a funny image, right? Imagine it with a Sport Goofy style yell to go along with the zap.
But, what is going on here with God and his lightning bolts? I thought he only reserved that stuff for sinners and golfers (which are really the same thing). It really got me thinking: why does God hate religious statues? He appears to hate them even more than I do (I haven't electrified and burned a religious statue- and while I am not ruling it out, it isn't on my bucket list). Anyhow, as I gazed lovingly at myself in the mirror, the answer came to me. It's because they aren't of him. He is a jealous god (freely admitted, by the way). So, that problem was solved...and then a lightbulb went off in my head. God power equals green power. All we need to do is build millions of religious statues, and wire them into our power grid.
Preference for figures holding a really long staff, of course.
AMEN!
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