Question for God

Hi God, are you there? Its me, TEMPLE. I have another question. I was reading Leviticus again, because it is just so goddamn funny, and I have a question about Leviticus 20:9, which reads:

If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.

Is that true? What kind of curses result in the death penalty? I mean, one day, when I was 7, I called my mother a "shitface" and she washed my mouth out with soap. But really, she should have put me to death, right? I mean, it says that right in the Bible! I did get sent to my room for a while, too, but that is obviously much more lenient than death. Now that I think about it, most of my friends cursed their parents at some point- according to Leviticus, pretty much all the kids in the neighbourhood should have been put to death.

Another question: what if I used a pagan curse of some kind? You know, the whole "eye of newt, wing of bat," kind of curse. Say it turned my father into a toad. Would that get me the death penalty? Even though my father would technically be a toad?

Just out of curiosity, if you are so against cursing of mothers and fathers, why proscribe a death penalty? Wouldn't it work a lot better if you just blasted foul-mouthed little pricks off the planet with your death-beam eyes? That would kind of make your point a lot better than that rambling old conservative dickhead, Leviticus. No offense, but people don't really seem to be paying much attention to Leviticus anymore. Maybe not your best writing/possession. I'd suggest a re-write, but last time you tried that, we got the Book of Mormon. Even you have to admit that was not a great effort.

AMEN!